Check-ins

Play with any group long enough, and you're bound to have issues. Players who get on each other's nerves. Mismatched expectations. Disruptive behaviors. Hurt feelings. Miscommunications. Etc.

When there's a player-level issue, talk to them about it. Don't let things fester, and for Tor's sake don't try to "fix" the issue with game mechanics or fictional "consequences" (punishments). There is no ingame solution for a player-level problem.

Stonetop includes tools to facilitate this kind of communication. Content guidelines help set expectations and boundaries. Reviewing them at the start of each session (see opposite page) keeps them top-of-mind. Calling "time out" gives you a way to course correct mid-session. And the End of Session move invites players to ask for things to change. (And if your group finds other communication or safety tools to be helpful, then by all means, use them!)

Some issues, though, are best handled with a check-in: outside of a session, one-on-one or with only the relevant players. Maybe you do this in person, right after a session, or over a drink, or on a walk, or whatever. Maybe it's a call or an online chat. Pick an approach that feels comfortable for all involved.

Encourage your players to initiate check-ins, too, with you and with each other. If they have a concern, the best thing to do is talk about it.

If you suspect that a player is unhappy, then let them know what you've noticed and give them space to respond. "Hey, you seemed uncomfortable during that scene with Iwan. Did we cross a line there?" See where the conversation goes. Sometimes, it's unrelated to the game, or you misread the situation, or they just don't want to talk about it.

When a player says that they're unhappy with something about the game, listen. Ask for clarification and specifics, but don't argue or defend yourself. Thank them, and ask them what they'd like to see change.

Can you make or facilitate that change? If so, great—do it. If you can't, or don't want to, that's okay too. But be honest about it. Have a calm conversation about why. Look for a compromise that works.

If a player is causing trouble, then point out what they're doing. Focus on behaviors and impact, not personality. "When you keep canceling last-minute, I can't prep effectively. Or I have to prep more, in case you're not there." Say what you'd like to see change. Ask if they're able to make that change, and how they plan to do so. Try to find a solution if you can.

Sometimes, the solution is "stop playing together," or to stop playing Stonetop and play something else. That's okay—you and your players are more important than the game! But you'll never figure that out without talking to your players. So check in with each other, often.